


If

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loaded Questions, M/M, Resentment, Survivor Guilt, unasked questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Would you be happier if it were me?They've never talked about it. The day Glenn died, Felix was too devastated even to cry and Dimitri was shell-shocked to the point of everyone thinking him ill. He'd attended Glenn's funeral, just as he had Mother's, but this time there had been no shoulder to cry on. No comforting presence, no hugs.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	If

**Author's Note:**

> _Author's choice, author's choice confronting the past_

_Would you be happier if it were me that died that day, and Glenn had lived?_

He didn't ask outright, but the question was all over his face that night. He'd actually confronted the raging boar, interrupted one of his usual conversations with nobody and berated him for pretending Glenn was still there. _Glenn is dead. When are you going to get that through your thick skull?_ Of course they'd argued, the boar going into his usual soliloquy about appeasing Glenn, the king, his stepmother, every casualty of the Tragedy of Duscur with the Emperor's head.

One week later, Father is dead, protecting the boar from a grave of his own making. But the boar is becoming Dimitri agan, little by little, and the unasked question reverberates in Felix's mind.

_Would you be happier if it were me?_

They've never talked about it. The day Glenn died, Felix was too devastated even to cry and Dimitri was shell-shocked to the point of everyone thinking him ill. He'd attended Glenn's funeral, just as he had Mother's, but this time there had been no shoulder to cry on. No comforting presence, no hugs.

After that, Dimitri became the boar and that was it. Felix distanced himself in disgust, and took to lashing out at people to cover his own grief.

 _You accuse him of making excuses, but what's yours, Felix?_ Ingrid once asked. He'd told her off and stomped away, because he didn't have an answer. Like the boar, he tries to claim that this is the real him. _But you're becoming more and more like Glenn, Father said so, and even those who didn't know Glenn as well can see it after hearing the old stories._

The knock comes at his door, and Felix lets Dimitri in without a word.

"You blamed me for his death," Dimitri says quietly. "He gave his life to protect me, and I lived." _Would you be happier if I died instead?_ his eyes ask, and suddenly Felix feels sick, his stomach twisting painfully as he sits down.

"He did."

"I never apologized for it," Dimitri murmurs. "I can apologize for your father with my actions, but back then..."

"You joyfully slaughtered our enemies in his name," Felix says. Resentment, anger, claiming he hated what Dimitri had become when in truth, it was and still is only half of it. The other half was there all along and Felix had simply ignored it. _Because if I blamed him for Glenn's death, isn't that wishing he had died instead?_

"I wasn't there for you," Dimitri continues. "Your brother died for me and I could only focus on my own grief." Felix rolls his eyes.

"Why are you telling me things I already know?"

"Do you still blame me? If...if it had been-" Dimitri cuts himself off, but it's in his eyes, and Felix clenches his own shut as an unwelcome prickly sensation overcomes him. _What if it was Dimitri who'd died that day?_ An image of Glenn, head bowed in regret and shame, murmuring the announcement, _he's dead, he's gone, Prince Dimitri is no longer among us, dead, dead, dead-_

His body moves on its own before he can even think, pulling Dimitri towards him in a near-crushing embrace, face buried in his hair. Dimitri lets out a cry of surprise, stiffening in his grasp.

"Felix-"

"You're such an _idiot,_ " he chokes. His fingers dig into Dimitri's nightshirt, against his flesh, as if trying to reassure himself the body against his own is real and that Dimitri's still alive. After a moment, the prince's shoulders hitch, followed by a slow spread of hot moisture against Felix's chest.

In the past, it's always been the other way around. When Felix fell out of a tree and scraped his leg, when Miklan Gautier pushed him, when Mother died, whenever he had a fight with Glenn, when Father wouldn't let him keep the kittens he'd found by the stables. Felix would cry, and Dimitri would hold him until he stopped.

Felix hasn't cried in nine years, and he didn't think Dimitri was even capable of it anymore. But the prince's tears are soaking his nightshirt, and Felix's deathgrip transforms into a slightly gentler embrace.

And they just stay like that for who knows how long. It's laid bare, out in the open, but Felix doesn't feel any better. He misses Glenn more than ever, but the thought of losing Dimitri in such a way won't leave his head, especially knowing that if it weren't for Father they wouldn't be having this moment.

_But I'd take an idiot weeping in my arms any day over going through the last nine years trying to overcome his death._

Deep down, he did blame the boar for Glenn's death. Resented him for using his brother's name as an excuse to enjoy killing people. But even at his angriest, even when he was disgusted enough to refer to the boar as _it,_ he's never once wished for his death.

Felix closes his eyes, sighing deeply against the prince's hair. Dimitri's tears eventually slow and come to a stop, but he doesn't look up.

"I'm sorry. For everything," he whispers. Felix shakes his head, blinking back tears of his own.

"Don't die."

"I won't." And with that Dimitri falls into an exhausted sleep, Felix's arms still tight around him. He stays awake for some time, and as the prince slumbers, he lets his own silent tears fall.

The wounds opened are fresh and painful, but for the first time in forever he believes they'll heal.


End file.
